Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
