I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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