I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
