Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
