just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
