i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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