I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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