he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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