careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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