I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
