You're my little dorito
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
