I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
