His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
