fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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