I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
