Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
