Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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