i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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