At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
