Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
