I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
