Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
