i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
