I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
