I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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