I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
