I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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