Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
