brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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