Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
