Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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