Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
