Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
