Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
