Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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