currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
