i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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