Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
