My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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