I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
