It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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