My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just pee around me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
