You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
