i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
