"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
