Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
