the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found puke in my bra..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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