I think I died a long time ago.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
