i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
