Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
