yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and she was petting her beer can
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
