Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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