She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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