He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
