I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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